9/11. The Day that changed Everything!

Today is a day that holds so many sad and traumatic memories for so many people and I am one of those people. Although the reason it holds meaning for me is different than almost everyone else. Today is my "2nd birthday"!  It's a day that means nothing to anyone but me anymore. It's the day that I was adopted!  I celebrate a little in my mind every year and I give thanks to God for blessing me with a good family but I also think about the hard stuff. Today, 41 years ago, I lost my mom, biological connection, security and belief that I was enough and I grieve for those things. I often grieve for what my biological mom lost as well. She had to let go of a bond created in utero with a daughter she wouldnt raise, love or care for. The pain of that had to be unmeasurable. Even if my adoption was predetermined by The Lord and I ended up where I was meant to be, the entire process left behind a lot of broken hearts and damaged connections.  

As we establish bonds with a couple of foster boys in our house, I am reminded of the loss that will be left behind if we adopt them someday. No matter how much we love them or how accepting we are of them into our home and our hearts....somewhere a mom has to lose everything, two boys have to be broken and the path to healing is long and hard!  I pray I can use my experience to understand the pain, embrace them for who they are and not what I want them to be and that I can teach them to grieve the loss but celebrate the love!

So today I will remember the day that holds painful, joyous, confusing and mixed up feelings for a few people and I will celebrate the road that God has chosen for me in order to get me to where I am today. My struggles and my painful path have led me to a place that allows me to be open to receive the gift and responsibility of the boys who have ended up in our care.  

My adoption day has long ago become a forgotten day by everyone but I thank God for this day and I embrace it as the day my heart began to be prepared for the future work I was led to do!